Forgo
by Pancake Ninjas
Summary: 1x2x1 It's been years since the end of the war and Heero finally begins the journey to confronting his feelings and maybe even persuing a certain ex-pilot. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Forgo

Forgo

Warnings: 1&2, 1x2 fic. Sap, eventually all of the fruits of citrus, language, and maybe more… I'll have impromptu warnings per chapter if I feel one's needed.

Disclaimer: It's on my main author page but I guess I'll say it again. I don't own anything except for my original characters, plot ideas, and made up locations. Everything else belongs to the creators and distributors of Gundam Wing.

Forgo - forfeit: lose or lose the right to by some error, offense, or crime

Chapter 1: And so the doc said…

"It's not a matter of me not caring, it's that…I care too much. Things would have been…easier, I guess, if I hadn't cared. If I really had been able to just focus on the missions, on the fight for peace…things would have been different." Deep blue eyes scanned the floor below him. The cream colored berber greeted him as solemnly as he greeted it. Inwardly he sighed and continued. "There is no place for caring on the battlefield. It will leave a soldier unfocused and, in the end, dead or at least…heartbroken."

The woman seated in an identical plush leather chair across from him shifted at the word 'heartbroken'. It was the first time he had used that word. It wasn't that she thought he was incapable of feeling that way, or denied that he had even experienced heartbreak, it was just…well…weird to hear the stoic young adult speak of it. Even if it was in the context of battle and not love.

"But…?" The word was one of the 'filler words' for the brown haired man. When he began to falter in speech she would urge him on with a 'but…?', 'and…?', or 'so…?' Although she was known to throw an 'and then…?' or 'so you…?' in there to mix things up, if you could even call that 'mixing it up'.

"But…I," he faltered again, trying to reign in his thoughts and form them into words. That's what they were working on today, since it was an issue he had developed early over the twenty years of his life. "I started to care. I'm not supposed to care. It wasn't in my training. Compassion, caring, love…hell, friendship wasn't even a part of my training. I was made to be the perfect solder, not the perfect child or son. He said that a child could never bring peace. That children had no place in war… If I didn't have a place in war then where did that leave me?"

'Alone. Always alone. No matter what, I was alone.' He shook his head at the thought and the flood of memories that came with it. Quiet nights with Trowa and the short conversations they had shared, it never took many words for them to understand each other. The open and quick friendship that was offered to him by Quatre, even though the blonde knew next to nothing about him, their only connection was the colonies and their Gundams, for the blonde that had been enough. Then Duo…

"Duo." The name ghost past his lips before he could bring himself not to.

"Heero?"

His eyes snapped to the woman across from him for the first time since he had started digressing, as he liked to call it. "Yes, doctor."

She laughed softly at the title, just like she always did when the young man called her by it. "When are you going to stop calling me that? I'm not a doctor remember, I'm an advisor. Besides, it's Bay, remember?" Brown eyes danced with amusement as she spoke because she knew he was never going to call her anything but 'doctor'.

Heero just frowned and shook his head at her. The doctor, or Bay McThyme, was now cleaning the thin rimmed glasses that had rested on her face. He regarded her with the same scrutiny he always has since he first met her. He didn't understand how the caramel skinned 5'5" woman managed to get him talking. Everything about her was average. She had average dark hair that was always pulled up into a bun, she wore average clothes which usually consisted of jeans or slacks and a blouse of some kind, she drove an average car, her office was filled with what you'd expect to find at an 'advisor's' office – books, nicnacs, tissue boxes, and plants. The only thing he could imagine was the cause for her talent to get him to speak was her quick wit and her personality. She was as carefree as Duo. She always seemed to have a smile for him and a laugh bubbling just below the surface.

"You know, if you stare at someone like that you're going to creep them out right?" When he just blinked at her she laughed again. "Heero, you're my favorite client." At the complement he rolled his eyes and let himself fall back into the overly plush back cushion. "What it's true."

"Hn." He was seriously frowning now, lost in his own thoughts.

"Heero." Hearing his name brought him back to reality. "Heero, you've got to let things go. What happened during the war is long gone, what matters is what you do with the time you have now." She leaned forward as she spoke, passion filling her words. "If there's something you regret," a small hand landed on his knee, "then _you _need to do something about it. If you miss them…him soo much then go to him."

Shocked by her words he could only manage to stare at her, his blue eyes unblinking. 'Did she really just say…I can't just go back to him. I can't pretend like no time has past and try to pick up where we left off.' The feeling of the hand leaving his knee brought his eyes back into focus.

"Heero…"

"I can't."

She shook her head at him before speaking again. "Heero, you can't just keep running away. Running isn't going to make anything better, I thought that you would have realized that by now."

He fixed her with a glare. "I know that. I just don't think it's my place to just show up again out of no where."

"So it's okay to just do nothing but wish that things were different." She met his glare with one of her own. "If you're not willing to try then why are you still coming to see me? I thought we were working towards something Heero, I thought you were going to take what you learn here and apply it not file it away with some other useless information you might have stored up in that stubborn head of yours."

"There's no such thing as useless information." He muttered.

She laughed at him then her voice filling the room. "So I've heard. Well here's the deal Heero. The only area of your life you need to work on is this. If you're not willing to face how you feel or Duo then we have nothing else to work on. You're already back to work on missions, Sally told me she thinking of pulling you so that you can join Wufei on elite missions, the nightmares have stopped, the anxiety is gone. Heero, the only thing that's left is apologizing for not staying in touch and going to see Duo."

He studied the floor as he contemplated her words. 'She's right of course. I just don't think I can face Duo. I don't even know what I'd do once I saw him. And the others…Quatre's so kind he'd probably just be happy to hear from me. Trowa wouldn't say anything, I know. Wufei' well I see him at least once a week. I guess I could have made an effort to speak with him, find out how he's doing. …. Who am I kidding?'

"Heero, stop thinking about it and just do it. You've been thinking about it for long enough. You're almost twenty-one Heero, it's time to stop thinking. Too much time has passed since the Mariemaia incident. That's too long for you to be thinking about what you'll do once you see him."

His eyes shot up at the last sentence. She laughed again.

"Don't look soo surprised. It's been almost three years Heero, I like to think that I know how your mind works. Now, since you've probably made the entire ordeal seem way worse than it could possibly be I'm going to tell you something."

He looked at her expectantly.

"Try." She didn't say anything more, she didn't have to. Instead she stood, walked to the door and showed Heero out. A small smile was on her face as she watched him leave.

--

And there we have it. So, what do you think? Good? Bad? Horrible? hides Well just let me know what you guys think I guess. O.o; I'm currently working on re-writing a FF8 story but this fic has been going through my head for awhile. I have a need for sap between Heero and Duo…I also have the need to watch Heero stumble along the road of falling in love and acknowledging that's how he feels. .


	2. Chapter 2

Forgo

Forgo

A/N: I still have no idea of how this fic is going to go, just like I have no idea of how Chopper's going to go…but I do know that much sap and Heero cuteness will be involved in _this_ fic. –giggle-

Chapter 2: Hanging out…?

To say Heero Yuy lived modestly was putting it lightly. He lived in an apartment provided for him by the Preventers. The small one bed, one bath apartment with a great room that played the roles of kitchen, dining, living, and laundry room was supposed to be a temporary arrangement. However, Heero, being who he was, decided that the apartment suited his needs perfectly and turned the temporary space into a permanent one. Although no one would know that if they visited, not that anyone visited. He still had all of the standard issue furniture in the apartment. While the small oak dining set along the right of the great room sitting in front of the kitchen, or the sofa and loveseat in the left corner of the great room weren't appalling, they weren't appealing either. They were simply acceptable. The off white paint and drab brown carpet were also acceptable; as were the boring hanging light fixtures that were systematically placed throughout the flat.

Heero was currently seated on his acceptably normal loveseat staring blankly at his laptop's screen, eyes unfocused on the images it displayed. All he could think about after leaving Bay's office and returning to his small drab apartment was the possibility of seeing his…companions again. The prospect of meeting up with them, even it if was to just touch bases, comforted him, much to his surprise. So, thinking that the 'doctor' had a valid point he decided to locate Quatre and Trowa. As it turned out they would be on Earth soon, in a week to be exact. _And_, they'd be in the city staying in the Stark Hotel which was only five or so blocks from his flat.

"I guess a reunion is called for then." he mumbled to himself. "Maybe I should get with Wufei tomorrow and let him know they're coming in." He nodded to himself to cement the plan.

Still toying with the idea of seeing Trowa and Quatre he powered down his machine, placed it on his coffee table, stood, and headed to his bedroom. It had been a long day for the ex-pilot and he had been looking forward to a shower before he even entered Bay's office. Quickly closing the short distance from his couch to his bedroom, Heero flicked on the lights. A small and modest room greeted him. His bed was pushed against the wall opposite of the door, its black comforter precisely made. He had a small dresser along the left wall and the right housed a door to the bathroom and a door to a closet.

He made a beeline for the bathroom, stripping as he walked. He balled up his clothes and threw them unceremoniously into the laundry basket just inside the bathroom. He paused a second at the bathroom's small mirror and gave himself a once over. He looked tired. He stared into his eyes and let himself sigh out loud. The dark blue orbs that stared back at him looked glazed over and distant. He wasn't sure how he felt about that or how heavy his body was feeling so he filed it away as something to bring up with Bay during their next session.

The week went past faster than Heero had imagined it could have. With the help of Bay he managed to work through most of the worries that had been creeping up as Quatre and Trowa's arrival date inched closer. She also helped him finalize his decision to more aggressively pursue a friendship with Wufei. In fact they were currently having lunch together and were 'hanging out' as Bay called it. He felt the urge to chuckle, but quickly stifled it, as he remembered that particular session.

"_So, I'm guessing things are going well with Wufei then?" She looked over at Heero expectantly._

"_Yea, we eat lunch together now when he's not on a mission." _

_She smiled broadly for him. "That's great to hear! It's only been, what? Three days and you two are already hanging out again!" Her brown eyes shone brightly with pride. Yes, Heero really was her favorite client._

"_Hanging out?" He stared at her and frowned. "What's 'hanging out'?"_

"_What?" She matched his look of confusion with her own._

_His gaze fell to the carpet then as he tried to find the words to convey what he wanted to say. A few moments later he spoke._

"_Yes, 'hanging out'…what is it? What does that mean? I'm assuming that it's a good thing but…"_

_She laughed then, loud and deep like she always did when Heero said something that she called 'cute'. He just glared at her._

"_Oh Heero, sometimes I forget how sheltered you are."_

"_Sheltered?" His eyes coolly fixed on hers. 'I've traveled throughout the colonies and Earth, been on countless military missions, killed hundreds if not thousands of people and she calls me sheltered?!'_

"_Yes, sheltered." She removed her thin glasses and set to work cleaning them before continuing. "Hanging out is…well, it's when two friends get together and enjoy each other's company. It's getting together and eating lunch or watching a movie or playing video games or just talking. I guess you could call it a way of bonding."_

"_Oh…that makes...sense." _

_She laughed again._

"So, Barton and Winner are going to be in the city tomorrow."

"Hn." He looked over at the Chinese man who had pulled him from his memory.

"It's been awhile…" He poked at his lunch with his chop sticks. "What do you think they'll say?"

Needless to say, Heero wasn't the only one nervous about seeing their old war buddies. Wufei had often wondered what the other men had been up to but with the Preventers and his job as the Lead Mission Expert he barely had time anymore to ponder.

Heero just frowned down at his bento and shook his head. 'I don't really know.'

Wufei gave a grunt in agreement with Heero's silent admission. He didn't know what their reaction would be either.

"Hey Chang?"

Wufei locked eyes with Heero silently telling him to continue.

"Would you like to…." He frowned as his words faltered. "uh…hang out tonight?"

Toying with his food absently he pondered the offer. While 'hanging out' would be a nice change of pace from his regular routine he did have some things that needed attending to first.

"Tonight's not exactly a good night for me, I have training. But you're welcome to train with me if you like."

Heero nodded his agreement. "Yea, I think that would be more enjoyable than hanging out anyway."

They finished the rest of their lunch hour eating in a comfortable silence.

The training session with Wufei, while extremely enjoyable for Heero, had left him exhausted. Their time had started off light with some mild lifting and cardio to loosen up the muscles but it had quickly turned fierce as the lifting gave way to sparing. Heero hadn't sparred for nearly two years and his body was greatly protesting the fact that he had pushed himself so hard so fast. But he was proud to say that Wufei, who Heero knew had been regularly training, had faced a challenge during their match and with that in mind he felt that the soreness was well worth it.

He managed to drag himself up the four flights of stairs to his apartment by will power alone. Once inside his apartment, and ensuring the door was secure, he closed the short distance to his sofa and collapsed onto it. Throwing an arm over his head he was instantly asleep. For the first time in years he wasn't kept up by trivial thoughts and false memories of what could have been. And for the first time in days he wasn't deprived of sleep because of his thoughts of the meeting he'd be having tomorrow.

--

And so there you have it. An awkward friendship has formed between the two guys in the series who made the least amount of effort to make friends. Haha! I don't know about you but I find that to be hilarious.

So, tomorrow's the big day! At least in Heero's world with it being the 4th of July, me having work and then going home for the weekend only to come back Sunday to go to work at 11am I'm not going to be writing any time soon. -.-;

Well, I hope you guys like it! If you think the chapters are short that's because…they are. Haha! The GW fics are going to have MUCH shorter chapters than my FF8 fics because…that's just how it seems to be happening. .;;;

_Shadowdragon:_ I already put this in "Get to the Chopper" but I figured I'd do it again and add to it. Haha! Well, when I first got the ideas I was worried that they seemed like they could be a pairing of fiction but as I thought about them more I realized that I definitely wanted each story to go in different directions. In Chopper Duo's kinda going insane while in Forgo Heero's trying to better himself and deal with life. . I hope that makes sense. Haha! Do tell me if they start to seem like they're melding together. I really don't want that to happen. :P

_Kaeru_: -blush- Thanks for the kind words. I'm really happy that you enjoyed the chapter! And yes, eventually he well see Duo and they will 'talk'.


End file.
